About “Newly Born”
“Newly Born” – a way to healthy weight, freedom from eating disorders, emotional overeating and food addiction?
What is the book about and who is it aimed at?
“Newly Born” explores the relationship between mind, body and soul and looks at these three components working in harmony when the person is healthy.
It reveals the unconscious reasons and motives behind the weight problem and why we have such a hard time losing weight and why for some of us it is actually comfortable to be overweight. It invites you to explore the reasons behind your weight problem, eating disorder or emotional overeating.
The book shows the parallels between emotional overeating, eating disorders and relationship addiction and of benefit to those who are at present in difficult and dysfunctional relationships.
It gives hope and inspiration to those who are still seeking their way to a slim body, life without food addiction and harmony with themselves.
Why is it called “Newly Born” and how did you decide to write a book?
It wasn’t much of a decision…The idea came to me spontaneously. I dated a person and he was addicted to alcohol. I loved him very much and couldn’t leave him and start a new life without him. On the fourth time I finally left him and then after being on my own, exploring myself, meditating and contemplating, the idea came along. I have my personal experience of having an eating disorder and recovery from it.
This experience of being and going through certain things with the person who I loved but who loved himself and alcohol more than me has made me strong and what I am now. I am really grateful for this because it has taught me a lot and changed me completely. I am newly born! Otherwise, I wouldn’t write what I wrote. We love without asking anything in return, we just love and that is. Otherwise, it is not love but something else.
What is love for you?
That is mutual understanding and acceptance. It is deep intimacy, for me.
It is generally accepted in our culture that if you love and he doesn’t love you back, then your life is destroyed but this is not so. We can look for the opportunities to redirect our energy of love to other channels and use the force of love to create something good in our lives but we can also use it to destroy ourselves. It is only our choice what to do with this force.
Talking about loving and not being love in return, I can say one thing. If we concentrate on the object of our love when we are not together any more, we stay stuck, sick and miserable. We don’t experience and enjoy the present moment but live in the past and torture ourselves. But when we love somebody and accept whatever happened between us and accept the situation at present, we free ourselves, we love and are capable of creating new and wonderful things in our live! The force of love helps to create and live life to the full even though it didn’t work out the way we wanted. Sometimes we have to accept everything as it is. I do that once I have tried all the other means to make it work because then I know that I have done my best and it didn’t work out, then it means it was never meant to be. Maybe, next lifetime.
Sometimes we don’t remember that we were happy because something finished tragically but we should question then is happiness something that lasts forever?
I think we should cherish the happy experiences and nourish ourselves through them- they make us strong and we appreciate life for being there for us.
So what is the reason for the obesity in your opinion?
If it was only for diet and exercise, then obesity wouldn’t be one of the main problems at present moment, so in the book I focused on psychological issues and unconscious reasons behind the weight problem as well as eating disorders and emotional overeating.
Of course, excess weight must be dealt with the right nutrition and a certain level of physical activity but we need address not only the outer effect/consequences of overeating-excess weight but also the inner/psychological issues which are the cause of the problem itself. Otherwise, we will be stuck dealing only with the consequences and not the real problem.
How many people have lost weight but put it back on?That is because there is a need in them for excess weight, which acts as a stumbling block on their way to healthy weight.
How can it be comfortable for somebody to be overweight?
For some overweight people, it can be “convenient” to be overweight. I will clarify this just now…When you have excess weight you can blame your life failures for being overweight. You say to yourself that somebody didn’t like me because I am overweight whereas when you are normal weight you have no excuses any more-you didn’t get what you wanted because it has to do with your inner world and not with your weight. In many people with a weight problem, there is a fear of responsibility if the person is full of fears, doubts and have a low self-esteem.
On an unconscious level the person is afraid that once he loses weight he can’t blame it for his failures but only he himself will be responsible for them and his life in general.That is one of the fears that keeps many people locked in their present bodies.
Our experiences are based on our inner self-worth, values and inner beliefs imprinted in our unconscious since childhood or after traumatic experiences in adult life. Our weight has no effect on what is going on in our life unless we feel uncomfortable with it.
Another examples of fears would be a fear of intimacy and sex.These are two absolutely different types of fears. Let me explain.
Sex is a physical act between two individuals. If a woman was brought up in a family where no sexual issues were discussed and she got an idea that it is not clean, sinful or inappropriate to do and talk about such things, then she grows up with these ideas and beliefs and behaves appropriately. She may also have excess weight as a barrier to surround herself from such experiences, to make her less appealing to the majority of men and therefore avoid sexual experiences. Her body helps her with her system of beliefs and she can spend ages and a fortune on trying to lose weight and all of her attempts will be unsuccessful unless she changes her inner beliefs and sorts out her deeper psychological issues within herself.
The fear of intimacy is the fear of being known by other human being.This fear is quite common when people live together or married.The woman unconsciously puts on weight because she is afraid of being known in the deep sense of this word. She is usually prone to control and manipulation and used to the role of carer and saviour due to certain childhood experiences. Usually she doesn’t know how to accept people and situations as they are because she doesn’t accept herself as she is. She is more in touch with her partner’s feelings than her own and by focusing on him, she avoids herself and her inner problems.
Very often women with such psychological make-up tend to marry men who are emotionally absent and incapable of loving due to their own deep psychological problems.Such women often have a weight problem or develop eating disorders or emotional overeating and use their dysfunctional relationship as an excuse for their eating problem. It goes like “I have a problem with weight and eating because he treats me badly”.
Such two people fit in together- she accuses him of being indifferent and uncaring and overeats to deal with her feelings whereas he is what he is and is not going to change. He is not capable of intimacy and she uses his behaviour as an excuse for her problem with weight and eating.That is very convenient.
In the end, such a couple are only capable of manipulating and controlling each other and can’t experience intimacy unless they both change inside.
Why can’t we lose weight and stay that way?
When we can’t lose weight or can’t lose weight and stay that way, that is when we have some deeper psychological issues to be explored and we need to work with the core beliefs in the conscious and unconscious mind.
Some people dedicate their lives to losing weight and even after a couple of years do not succeed at their attempts…but maybe they never wanted to deep inside! This intention displayed outside is not supported by the unconscious mind- there is a conflict between conscious ad unconscious. The conscious intention is to lose weight but the unconscious mind protects the person from achieving this goal because once it is accomplished and the person is the weight he has always wanted to be, there will be no reason to live, there will be no others interests…this is dangerous- depression may come up! Our unconscious mind is trying to protect us in such a way but we continue our 1000th attempt to lose weight. That is how some of us get in the vicious circle of dieting and losing weight all the time without any long-term result.
Another example would be of somebody who is not willing to take the responsibility for his life and has many deeply-burried fears and doubts, so losing weight for such an individual would be to be stripped off all the excuses for his possible future failures- no fat blaming would be possible any more.
We all want sometimes to get away and take our minds off problems and let’s admit that we all do this occasionally but we use different means- cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or food…these are all the means of avoiding our problems and ourselves if used to extremes.
A heavy tendency to always control, manipulate and get offended and frustrated when something doesn’t go according to how we wanted it to be(the destruction of ideals) puts the person at a high risk of overeating, excess weight and the development of food addiction and eating disorders.
Once the system of inner beliefs is changed and the unconscious reasons for overeating are uncovered, the overeating stops.
Many people suffer from emotional overeating. What is it? Is it an eating disorder?
No, emotional eating is not an eating disorder but undermines the self-esteem of the sufferer and of great psychological discomfort to those who experience it. Binges, which is eating large amount of food in a short period of time, occur systematically and regularly.
The sufferers feel out of control and unable to stop eating or regulate the amounts of food consumed.
However, such behaviour is triggered by deeply-burried childhood issues and a certain belief system. It takes a long time before the client and I get to the bottom of the problem itself but it is worth it. Everyone is different and we all have different past and different experiences and we all handle things differently, so no universal recipe exists for everyone and the approach is individual.
It is worth noting, however, that it is possible to recover from an eating disorder or emotional overeating, which is closely linked to bulimia.
What is the difference between emotional overeating and bulimia?
Bulimia is an eating disorder. Binges occur regularly and are followed by compensatory behaviours such as vomiting, overexercising, taking laxatives and diuretics or dieting and fasting. The person suffering from this condition experiences a lot of guilt, embarrassment and usually suffers from depression.
Somebody with emotional overeating doesn’t practise vomiting; nevertheless such a person is eating disordered and most of them benefit from the psychological help too.
Anybody with anorexia, bulimia or emotional overeating or on the edge of having a fully-fledged eating disorder is greatly preoccupied with food, their weight and shape and the primary goal of the therapy is to start a new life without food addiction and establish a healthy relationship with yourself, your body and food.
I myself have been through anorexia and emotional overeating and we never know what a person is going through inside even though he can seem to be perfectly well outside. However, we can always change if we are ready and willing to.
I have heard that the book is out?
Yes, that’s true.
It can be ordered from any book store , Waterstone’s website or Amazon.