“Newly Born: How to Succeed at The Mental Game of Losing Weight” was first published by London Press on the 23rd of April, 2010 in London.
It has five chapters each concentrating on a different aspect of our psychology and physiology that affect our mental state and weight. It talks about the undeniable connection between our mind, emotions, how we acquire our beliefs from childhood and later on in life and how these are able to shape our reality and ourselves. It shines light on our relationships with our bodies and ourselves in connection to weight loss, weight management, eating disorders and relationship addiction.
The book has many practical aspects because it gives you different methods and techniques to uncover your underlying issues behind a weight problem or an eating disorder and shows a way out to life without food addiction and constant battle with your body. It gives tips on how to set goals, how to motivate yourself for weight loss and weight management and finally it gives practical tips on how to overcome your eating disorder and some other psychological issues connected with it.
I sincerely hope that you find the book helpful and start a new life in harmony with your body and yourself.
I thought it could be useful to share some extracts from the book with you.
Extract from Introduction
“Have you ever asked yourself what harmony is and whether
you are actually in harmony with yourself and the world
around you? What determines your health and state of well-being?
Have you ever tried losing weight, achieved your goal,
then failed to sustain it and put it back on, or failed to lose it
altogether? Why is that?
If you have ever tried to find the answers to these
questions, then you will find the knowledge I want to share
with you in this book interesting… I acquired this knowledge
through a long process of learning myself and trying different
techniques that might make me feel good as well as look good.
I went from having an eating disorder to having a normal
weight for some time, but then came more emotional eating
due to the stress of dating an alcoholic divorced man – whom I
loved with all my heart. I sacrificed and lost myself for two
years. I forgot myself. I felt helpless and did not want to admit
what I did to my body. I went through hell and was even prone
to hysteria. My life was miserable: I suffered from depression,
which led to suicidal thoughts; I suffered from insomnia and
was always on the verge of bursting into tears. I went through
all of this, but eventually got to the point of loving, accepting,
and living in peace with myself and my body. I finally found
my beautiful new self.”
Extract from Chapter 3, Weight as a Problem
“When weight is defined as a problem, a series of crusading
acts follow. We blame ourselves for eating too much, for being
the wrong weight (it is always interesting how women define
their ‘right’ weight); we criticise ourselves because of constant
dissatisfaction with our bodies and don’t seem able to live life
to the full, enjoying every moment of it. This is because there
is a voice inside our head which keeps on telling us how bad
we are and that all of our problems arise from the fact that our
weight is not what it should be. This voice also reminds us of
what and when we should or should not be eating and how
much, etc. We need to stop that voice because it prevents us
tackling the problem itself.”
Extract from Chapter 5, Emotional Eating, Relationship Addiction & Eating Disorders
“Women are more likely to suffer from emotional eating
due to our nature, certain circumstances in our childhood, and
our addiction to relationships. Emotional eating very often
occurs in women who come from dysfunctional families where
one of the parents was unavailable ‘on an emotional level’. A
person is said to be ‘emotionally unavailable’ if something is
carried out to the extreme, so this could be addiction of any
sort (alcohol, drugs, exercise, food), or an inability to show
love and establish a deep meaningful relationship with family
Later on in life those men and women often marry somebody
who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, or work; someone who
abuses them and does all kinds of ‘horrible’ things, or simply
walks out on them in the end. The decision to marry or stay
with such a person occurs on an unconscious level, it just feels
right and comfortable because the behaviour of those two
people complement each other. When somebody in the family
is an alcoholic, other members of the family usually show
some particular characteristics such as denial, not accepting
the extent of the problem, making up excuses for the person’s
behaviour, along with feelings of guilt and self-worthlessness.
They become co-alcoholic, in the sense that they lose touch
with themselves (are out of tune with reality), as they become
more in touch with how the other person feels instead of being
aware of their own emotions. They suppress, ignore, and deny
them. This damages their emotional system, and they are
unable to see reality due to the extent of the denial in their life.
The person who is an alcoholic and works too much can
be mentally ill or is simply ‘emotionally unavailable’, so
cannot take full responsibility for the upbringing of their
children, or show affection and love because they themselves
need help and support. This quite often leads to one of their
daughters taking on a lot of responsibility in childhood,
supporting and caring for her mother, and perhaps the rest of
the family. She may feel pleased with the amount of
responsibility that she has been given at such a young age, but
at the same time she becomes overburdened and feelings of
confusion and awkwardness arise. She is a child but feels like
an adult. Because one of her parents was ‘emotionally
unavailable’ during her childhood, in all probability this girl
did not get enough love, affection, and approval. She missed
out on these things, so in her adulthood she is very likely to
spend her time looking for this approval, love, and affection
somewhere outside her family to compensate for what was
missing in her childhood years.
A woman with such a family background wants to be
helpful, needed, and loved. In this struggle, she pairs up with
men who are inadequate (who cannot manage on their own
and in her opinion need changing), and who are ‘emotionally
unavailable’ in different forms. This is because the situation is
already so familiar to her from her childhood environment; she
is already accustomed to the role of a carer. She spends her
time trying to change the man by manipulation and attempting
to make him ‘everything she ever wanted’ because deep inside
herself she believes that once he has changed he will be happy
and she will be happy too.
She NEEDS to control and manipulate others and occupy herself
with somebody else’s life to avoid facing herself and her own
feelings. She cannot be on her own because the very idea is
unbearable, she feels isolated and lonely, experiencing too
much pain and suffering from her childhood. She uses her
relationships to escape and avoid confronting herself and her
feelings, and she may start using food as a ‘remedy’.
Her addiction to relationships runs parallel with her
addiction to food.”